Change sounds simple when we talk about it.
We say things like, “I just need to do better,” or “This is the year everything shifts.” We make plans. We set goals. We get motivated.
But if change were that simple, we would not find ourselves repeating the same patterns over and over again.
The truth is, change is a process.
And more importantly, we are all in different stages of that process.
In my work as a therapist, I often help people understand something called the Stages of Change. It is a framework that explains why change can feel so difficult and why we do not all move at the same pace.
Understanding where you are in this process can be one of the most empowering things you do.
The Stages of Change
Precontemplation
At this stage, there is no intention to change. You may not see the problem, or you may not believe it is serious enough to address.
Sometimes this looks like avoidance. Sometimes it looks like defensiveness. Sometimes it looks like survival.
You cannot change what you are not willing to see.
Contemplation
This is where awareness begins. You start to recognize that something is not working.
You may feel stuck between two worlds. Part of you wants to change. Another part of you is not ready to let go of what is familiar.
This stage can feel uncomfortable because clarity is forming, but action has not yet followed.
Preparation
Now you are getting ready to do something about it.
You start thinking about next steps. You may gather information, talk to others, or begin to imagine a different way of living.
There is movement here, even if it is not visible yet.
Action
This is where change becomes visible.
You begin doing things differently. You set boundaries. You shift habits. You make decisions that align with who you are becoming.
This stage requires courage, consistency, and support.
Maintenance
Change does not end once you take action.
Maintenance is the ongoing work of sustaining the changes you have made. It requires awareness, intention, and a willingness to keep showing up.
Relapse can happen here. That does not mean you have failed. It means you are still in the process.
Why This Matters
Many of us judge ourselves for not changing fast enough.
We see someone else taking action and wonder why we are still thinking about it. We assume something is wrong with us.
But what if nothing is wrong?
What if you are exactly where you are supposed to be in the process?
Change is not linear. It does not happen overnight. It requires readiness, awareness, and timing.
You cannot force yourself into action if you are still in contemplation. You cannot maintain something you have not fully built.
When you understand your stage, you can meet yourself with more compassion.
And from that place, real change begins.
A Question for You
So I will ask you the same question I ask my clients.
What stage of change are you in right now?
And what would it look like to honor that stage instead of fighting against it?
If this resonates, I invite you to reflect on where you are and what your next step might be.